venting christmas music*

It'd be dumb to start this out with "well christmas is almost here" becuase you know that-im sure. Christmas is a great time to me but I"ll admit I hate christmas music, not the music that celebrates jesus' birth but the snowman, santa, weather, jingle bells stuff. the only day i can handle it is on christmas eve n day. other then that i dont understand why we listen to christmas music the WHOLE month of december!!!! we dont listen to turkeys gobble the whole month of november so why must every radio station torcher me with jolly by golly music about good ol santa for THIRTY DAYS???

oh what a week

whoa...what a busy couple of days I've had, remember when I said I don't have a life...little tip never say that! I basically cursed myself to make life more complicated.

To start off my cat chewed her foot off! So I had to take her to the vet...400 buckaroonies later and she is all ok. side note that money came outta my college fund....sad but it came down to two weeks worth of pay checks or a life. So with this dang conscience that I have I saved the kitty!

Next? oh yes there is more...I quit my fitness center job...why? Because they grrrrrr just thinking about it makes me mad! Basically Todd the dummy I work with NEVER actually works. But I do my best everyday every week yet somehow I am constantly the one that is yelled at. So last week I wasn't feeling well but still went to work and did the normal stuff lazily-is that a word? while telling the vacuum and myself how dumb it is that I work hard and Todd doesn't. so I went behind the desk like every other day for a hour and a half. But I had my lab top and was writing a letter for my young singles committee calling. Well the boss came in at that moment and was fearous...ugh...and from there it went down hill. I blame the vacuum.Ü

So now I have five applications from round town to fill out-yay...just kidding.

do you ever feel like your life goes in cycles like everything goes fabulous for a long time and then you blink and everything is suddenly wrong. I'm in that suddenly wrong stage and stuck wondering how long this one will last...

What's wrong with me if I know my Heavenly Father lives, loves me, and listens to my prayers but I cant seem to get this stubborn body down to my knees and pray my heart out!!!

Public confession sometimes does the trick.

I pray in my heart about little things, I thank the Lord anything good happens to me, I ask God to bless those I love, I pray for safety in my HEART but not out loud by my self. Lack of faith, or I suppose as I just realize-Pride- it is my new enemy.

Goodness.....

Today after hitting the snooze button every five mins or so i sorda slept until 10:00which is nothing new to me, but it is the first time in a long time that mom hasn't gotten mad about it! So my day started out well then I went to see one of my puppies!!!!! it was sooooooooooooo much fun to see her again. Her old name was Rollie Ollie because she was alot like her mom-Tootsie. so Tootsie "roll"- hope that makes sense. Her new name is Allison because if Collin woulda been a girl that was gonna be his name. Which is really funny. She is living a great life its just her and Collin in the house. He's 25 and has his own house which is amazing. When he had called me the other day to come see her, i had told him that i work at the fitness center in milaca. Then he tells me that one of the guys that work here is a registered sex affendor.....yeah.....freaky/disgusting! So now I am at the fitness center eatting chocolate frosting!!!

wow i know this is not that exciting...not much happens to me when my only life is as a burger-server and sweat-picker-uper.....Just saving money like a squirrel getting ready for winter!

diagnosis mystery

yup that's me! Or most of me I guess. So Ma n' I went to Dr. Slougssours (hes the doc that said I have mild cerebral palsy) I don't want this post to be about everything that's wrong with me but for the next few sentences be prepared.

he said that hes been studying it for the past few months and found that baby's with CP when you scare or startle them they over react and their body's go into small convulsions. And he asked me if I get scared easily.......for anyone that knows me they might describe scaring me as a favorite past time. I on the other hand don't find it as amusing. So of course I answered that with an of course. His next question was with being cold... I am cold 99% of the time. Then why do I live in Minnesota? I blame Emma. For normal people being cold is something that they live with and they wear coats, I could ask a polar bear for his coat and still be cold. With being cold it actually hurts my muscles. He also brought up another thing and that was with flashing lights and loud repetitive noises. Think casinos. They make me faint/close to it. He describe to me that all things happen because I have hypersensitive sensors. due to traumatic birth. Which mine was. Any how it cleared up alota things that I thought were weird with me! And now I know why-and so do you!

So this post was for any of you who are interested! or were!

And pretty sure the "few" sentences I had intended became a whole book!

BUT how did today go...well I have driven myself crazy! hows that for awesome!? I woke up at 5:30 in order to take josh to seminary, slept in the car while i waited, took him to school, came home and went back to bed, set my alarm for 9:30, 10:25, 11:00, then realizing that I could kill the person who invented the snooze button, it rolled around to be 11:30-the time I shoulda been "rolling" outta the driveway for work at 12:00... rushed down stairs with only one sock on, natural hair, and un-brushed teeth. oh what a sight!! then to find the P.T. saying to me...Bethany if you can't get up and start your day then neither will I! So I cried.....still hating with passion the man that invented the snooze button. the rain took care of my hideous natural hair by drenching it completely. cold wet and mad at the PT...I climbed back into bed until 2:00! after that decided to clean the house. Josh finally came home and I decided to shower for the sake of the world. Drove Josh to church where he did a pancake challenge of four humongous pancakes in one hour. Josh I'm sadly and disgustingly proud to say was the only one who finished the challenge. Elder Pool was close with one bite to go...then threw up on his plate....so he lost. Josh was beaming with pride/sickness when he received hes free shirt! woot for Josh!

Life goes on

Been long enough? yup! But all things aside my life at 18 is going swell! Here are all the things that have changed since the last time:
I got a second job
Got rid of the bed on the floor and got a futon-?sp
Went to Utah for Laurens sweet lil baby
Working hard to save for college at BYUI
Had ten BEAUTIFUL ivory lab puppys!!!
Sold all ten puppys and cried alot!
Going to institute and loving it
Got my licence as of yesterday!
Bought a lab top yesterday for 300 for school

and that's it...I think!

my goal is to be like my big sister Emma and do this on a regular basis....we will see how that goes. I used to be really really good at writing in a journal. In my opinion there should be a rule for girls under the age of 12 NOT to write a journal....or just to NEVER read them again! I had to have been the biggest drama queen in the world! And thinking that every boy I liked was perfect..ew. So where are all those gag-worthy entry's? Ripped n burned! In reality I was ashamed to read most of them...Really pathetic is what they were.

As for family life right now....mom and I are really close, partly because we spend the most time together or atleast we have been. Mom said she sees me more then dad! And dad is good, discouraged but good. I have this strong impression to make my parents happy. Like really really happy. Like mom when she hears a song shes not heard in forever or dad when hes talking about family history or painting. I want them to be able to have hobbies, because life hast to be more for them then taking care of two kids at home. If your thinking that I shouldn't be worried about this, then your like alota people I explain this deep concern for. But I know that its important. I wish there was something I could do.

And my job life right now...

started up McDonald's again bout four weeks ago...and already a few of the managers are driving me insane! grrr and sitting here thinking about it i think the reason is because they're life IS McDonald's...which is fine but its not my life-its my job. So the next time you are in McDonald's and you feel like you've been waiting FOREVER for your double quarter pounder no mustard large fry and drink.....CHILL. and enjoy the next 50 seconds that your body is that much less fat! k!
The fitness center is way better then McDonald's in alotta areas. Course theres always ups and downs in a job. And when its your job it always seems to be the worst job in the world when really its not. But at the fc(fitness center) I do ALL the cleaning of machines, bathrooms, floors, pool, womens area, hallways, mirrors, and every other nook and cranny of that building! with i might add ONLY PINE SOL!!!! grrrr unless of course I sneak in other cleaning supplies pathetic I know! I also sign people up for memberships, guest, and show the apartments when my manager doesn't have the oompf to do it herself. All in all its an ok job. Creepy people come and go...and some come and stay because they live out of their car!
STORY Last Saturday I was swimming with my friends and we were in the hot tub when this dude came from the pool to talk to only me. Casually talking at first he asked where I was from, where I work, and my name....not till the point when a bald man of 40+ asked me to "hang out" tonight did I finally realize that my happy world of no nastys like him live...did indeed live. I laughed and said haha uhhhh I dont think so. Pause. first you must know what this man looks like to get a picture of the creepiness of the situation. tall, bald, with indents of designs carved into his head, tattoos everywhere, fewer teeth then his already few brain cells, light blue blood shot eyes that bulged out, two kids, and a sense about him that said "Ive worn a black and white striped suit in my days-and we arnt talkin zebras!" ok anyone in their right mind is saying...ahhhh. ok now you know. so I have only a rapidly deflating pink tube that Ive managed to cover any skin that shows with a swimming suit on! But that doesn't seem to work...so I try to keep away from him and avoid conversation but the questions keep coming. by this time Ive told him that I'm 18. AT THIS POINT HE SHOULDA BEEN GONE! then as time goes by he has me in a little corner of the pool with his nasty arms open....says I should come with him. (puking in my mind and praying to heaven that I am saved!) I lie and say I have a boyfriend. He says well he can come too and panicing I said uhhhh he cant....he doesn't live in America.....dumb! dumb! dumb......it took a good hour to get rid of him after that. but eventually did and was safe and sound in a different fully blown up tube!
so this story should teach you to stay away from the fc pool on saturdays...... phew!

well thats all for me tonight i have to wake up in the morning to take josh to seminary...who ever invented mornings....why?????

organizing pictures

For my while my sisters were here I wanted to get ALL the pictures out and organize them into years. We got alot done, and I'm grateful that we got it done.

Graduation!

There were days (many days) I seriously thought i wouldn't graduate. I did on online school for my first semester. But Mom and along with every one's prayers helped me through. if you've ever had an experience that you knew someday you would be able to look back and say "I'm grateful for that experience." but didn't and still don't want to say your grateful for that, yeah I've been there. actually I am there. cause I don't know if I should be grateful for all of it taught me because it was sooo hard and soooo threatening that I couldn't hardly survive. It was almost like I felt like if I didn't graduate that nothing else in the whole world could go right. I can guarantee that out of the other 150 students with me graduating, they didn't know or didn't understand just how wonderful it was to be able to do that. When something is that close from being taken away from you that is THAT important, you find yourself thinking through your life like what it would be like without it. So...either way the picture gives it away-yes I graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And you obviously get the point- almost not graduating was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. Yes even scarier then Smeegle from lord of the rings! *If your confused and saying to yourself, oh my heck what is this chick talkin' about?!, then I'm with ya-its late tho if i can use that as an excuse....but I figured if I don't start somewhere now as in tonight, well then I wont ever get this thing done. But this is my life now, graduated, hoping to find a place that will hire a cripple, make a poster for Jordies grad party, clean my room, condense my junk to almost nothing, and go to college is pretty much what sums up of whats on my mind to do......and isn't that the ugliest hat they make us wear!? Darn square-Why a square? And worst part was I couldn't wear my hair the least bit fluffy, ugh life coulda ended there! Just kitten! Imma fighta!*sure hope I do the spell check right- you know like pickin the right words an' all.....yeah.....*

the "I wanna's"

I guess life can either bring you up or take you down.
Some days it feels im playing both sides of the game.
Difference is I never know my opponents next move.
Getting stuck in every direction I seem to choose..
Feels as if life’s a mad maze with no way out, no end.
A roller coaster ride with too many twist and turns.

I wanna run away far from here, sit alone until times dead.
But I wanna stay close by, surrounded by those I believe I love.
See the controversy here?

I wanna be free, to go anywhere in this here world of mine.
But I wanna be told what to do, and when its safe to breathe.

I wanna never love again, no boy is worth a broken heart.
But I wanna fall in love, and have my one and only for myself.

I wanna live my life to the fullest, to be oh so happy every day.
But I wanna die as fast as I can, heaven sounds so good to me.

I wanna skip my current life, all the way to when my hair is white.
But I wanna stay a child, all play no work with a world unexplored.
See the controversy here?

I wanna cry so much, to let it all out to show the world a real tear.
But I wanna laugh so much, to show the world im the happiest girl.

I wanna believe in everything, to think that everything is really good.
But I wanna doubt everything, to know for sure what is really true.

I wanna give up, telling myself all of this is worthless forget to dream.
But I wanna pursue it all, telling myself to just keep trying ill get there.

I wanna know my future, how wonderful it would be not to wonder.
But I wanna a surprise, how boring life would be not to wonder it all.
See the controversy here?

heaven 24/7

Well Friday it hit me, girl you know you can talk to god?
Yup a one on one time with your god, a lil heart to heart with him.
Any time you want!
So I used to think I could never talk to god until I was lost and could go no more.
But I found out you can be over joyed and you can still talk to him.
You don't need a hard day, you don't need a challange god never said
"call me between the hours of noon and 5, if you call before or after don't expect me to be there, remember im god I got spirits to send to earth and spirits to welcome back. So please leave your name and number after the beep and ill see what magic I can pull out of my sleeve to make your life a paridise."
So don't hang your head and sigh, and don't hang your phone up just yet, see he's promised us there would never be an anwsering machine in heaven, nope! See you can call heaven 24/7! The lines are always open.
Yeah 24 hours and 7 days of the week!
He aint got nothin better to do then to listen to his child's voice.
So go on, pray like you've never prayed.
Tell him your aches, tell him your pains.
Tell him your up and downs.
Tell him, oh tell him of your happieness.
Let him know everything!
Then ask, don't pray and ask.
Pray, thank, tell, and then ask.
Ill confess he hasnt heard much on me lately.
But that's gonna all change tonight!
Cause im call'n heaven cause I found that line is open 24/7
yeah 24 hours and 7 days of the week.

loosin everythin!

you said good bye today, and so i said thats just fine.
its been hours and i guess time is flyin by!
im doin alright but ive got a tiny problem:

ive lost the cat, dog, and fish.
i dont know where my pan is,
i think i put some socks in the dish washer.
used a pan for a mirror this mornin'
hey guess i know where that pan is after all!
ive dog-gone lost this ol' mind of mine,since i said you leav'n was just fine!

i keep fall'n up those darn stairs
oh i can only hope i aint talkin to the devil in my prayers!
think i even i forgot bout this thing called a shower!
ive been teach'n the fish to dig and the dog to pur.
hey gues i know where the fish and dog are after all!
ive dog-gone lost this ol' mind of mine,since i said you leav'n was just fine!

dont bother call'n cause ive even lost the phone!
well and if i dont end up loos'n these ol' walls it'll be a milestone!
and fait aint got mercy for my mind.
oh dear, oh my i sure am loos'n track of time!

im loos'n bout everything from A to Z.
i guess its a real good thing we aint never had a baby!
hey my love, my dear love, my dear, my john dear....
how long you plann' on be'n gone?!!?!

lets listen to the radio

lets listen to the radio, i just cant wait to dance a dance with you my dear.it dont matter if they play a high strung jump'n perky song,
oh wont you slow dance a dance with me.

oh lets let the sound of the radio fall behind, its just you and me lets have a ball! dont you think we have the most beautiful of beautiful of love? lets turn the knob, krank it smoothly, and dance the night away.

lets listen to the radio, gracefully follow the shadows on the wall my dear.
it dont matter if every other lover chooses a club im good here at home,
oh wont you follow the shadows on the wall with me.

oh lets let the sound of the radio fall behind, its just you and me lets have a ball! dont you think we have the most beauiful of beautiful of love? lets turn the knob, krank it smoothly, and dance the night away.

lets listen to the radio, wont you sing along with every lil song my dear.
it dont matter the sound of your voice, no matter what-to me its beautiful.
oh wont you sing along with every lil song with me.

oh lets let the sound of the radio fall behind, its just you and me lets have a ball! dont you think we have the most beautiful of beautiful of love? lets turn the knob, krank it smoothly, and dance the night away.
oh dance oh dance the night away with me.
oh wont you dance the night away with me.

oh la la dai dai da da

im try'n my best to remember you, its the only thing i guess i can do.
so oh la la day day da doda looks like your on my mind.

so oh la la dai dai da da, oh oh la la day day da doda.

it feels like forever since we were together, so oooo remember'n you.
hey baby, maybe we'll get real real lucky, ohhh we've gotta be crazy.
guess ya never know what the man upstair's plann', ohh we'll never know.

but ill keep walk'n strait ahead see where it gets me, further down the
road. so oh la la day day da doda, la la hey hey. your my mind again.
two steps forward one back, may take a while for my ol' trek. but thats
just dandi cause im try'n to remember you, ohhh oh la la day day da doda.
ill keep busy all day long alright! just think'n oh la la day day da doda oh oh la la day day da doda all day long.

im try'n my best to remember you, its the only thing guess i can do.
so oh la la day day da doda looks like your on my mind.

so oh la la day day da doda, oh oh la la day day da doda

it feels like forever since we were together, ao oooo remember'n you.
hey baby, maybe we'll get real real lucky! ohhh we've gotta be crazy.
guess ya never know what the man upstair's plann', ohh we'll never know

Practice!

Random Squiggles picture I'm just practicing.....this blog stuff takes ALOTTA work! I've had my share of trail and error with this too (thought to post a new post-i created a new blog) Emma was trilled to delete 4 Blogs that i had created! I'm just glad to know this is a new post and that I'm doin all this stuff right. I give all credit Emma tho! Now i got alot to learn- Emma's gonna show me how to put my poems in a different area so that will be good!